Never shake hands with a zebra. It’s not that they’re mean or diseased, it’s just if they have hands they’re probably evil mutant zebras.
4.24.2012
I’ll bet it was really embarrassing to be a mountain man who couldn’t grow a beard.
4.23.2012
Did you know fire extinguishers make a huge dust mess, are expensive to recharge, and your boss probably won’t think the prank was funny?
4.20.2012
I was going say the Smashing Pumpkins’ breakup in 2000 ruined my one good Halloween joke, but apparently they’ve reunited and ruined this joke too.
4.19.2012
What happened to all the guys named Tad? It’s as if no one with that name was allowed to leave the 80s and join us in the present.
4.18.2012
You can tell a lot about a person by following them everywhere they go, tapping their wireless, and rummaging through their garbage.
4.17.2012
My daughter has had her tooth under her pillow for a week and still nothing from the tooth fairy. I’m not sure I believe anymore.
4.16.2012
When a cop asks you why you were driving so fast, tell them some idiot was chasing you. Don’t mention that they were the idiot.
4.13.2012
Shouldn’t anger rhyme with danger?
4.12.2012
When people talk about abandoned lots I never know whether they mean empty land or my psychotic ex-girlfriend.