Mister Rogers dies and Daniel Tiger is like, “This is MY neighborhood now.”
7.3.2014
Fancy pirates roll their Rs when they say, “Arrrrrrrrrr.”
7.2.2014
I was going to steal from this ugly locker but the security was foolproof.
6.26.2014
If I had a kid named Nicholas, I would call for him like the yodeler in those old Ricola commercials: “Neeeecholaaaaaas!”
6.25.2014
Why don’t people believe you when you tell them aiding and abetting is only a crime on TV, and you really need to borrow their car?
6.6.2014
I think more commuters would be willing to ride a donkey to work if they knew how often people make fun of their Ford Focus.
6.5.2014
If your dog is smarter than my honor student, I hope you’re saving for college.
6.4.2014
Yoga would be a lot more popular if it didn’t require so much ritual animal sacrifice. Then again, maybe this isn’t a yoga class.
6.3.2014
The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. I’m talking heart disease, here.
5.30.2014
Why do women say they need hair conditioning, so you try to wash their hair and they say, “No, AIR conditioning. Who even are you?”
