My boss says they don’t pay us to goof off. I say he doesn’t know how to write an accurate job description.
8.17.2010
I want to sing backup for Disney movies just so I can get paid to belt out stuff like, “A lot of sand… Crustacean band!”
8.13.2010
If I were a vampire, I wouldn’t drink human blood or even animal blood- I would drink chocolate milk, because it’s pretty healthy and oh-so-tasty.
8.12.2010
One of the funniest things in the world is a big dog dragging a scrawny person behind it.
8.11.2010
The Boston Cream Pie shows that people from Boston A)make a good dessert, and B)don’t know what a pie is.
8.10.2010
A fun trick would be to secretly change someone’s car horn so when they get mad in traffic all they can muster is a nice round of La Cucaracha.
8.5.2010
Imagine my surprise when a watermelon really did grow in my stomach. Then imagine the embarrassment of wearing maternity clothes as a man.
