Which Mario Kart bonus would be better for driving in real life – a star or a heat-seeking turtle shell?
1.26.2012
I never knew why my high school English teacher didn’t eat the cookies we made. It’s almost as if she knew they were laced with fish medicine that would make her urine green.
1.25.2012
I’ll bet when hunters keep a journal they start every day with “Deer diary.”
1.24.2012
It took man thousands of years to come up with modern central heating, and now we think it’s neat if a home has a fireplace.
1.23.2012
The word “serendipity” sounds like “sarin dippity.” A person being dipped into a vat of nerve agent doesn’t sound so serendipitous.
1.20.2012
There needs to be a legal limit to the number of cars stuck behind a slow driver before they have to pull over and find their gas pedal.
1.19.2012
My niece thinks octopuses don’t wear pants because they have too many legs. ‘Course not. It’s because they’d have to open their fly to eat.
1.18.2012
I won’t believe your government conspiracy theories until I’m dragged out of my house into a black van in the night like all my neighbors were.
1.17.2012
I’ll bet that song that says the sun’ll come out tomorrow is really depressing during an Alaskan winter.
