The mall food court: a place where you can sit and judge people for their eating choices.
12.4.2014
Just remember, struggling artists: there are painting elephants who are more successful than you.
12.2.2014
Here’s human empathy for you: Things die all over our windshields and we’re like, “Man, I just washed this!”
11.18.2014
I stink, therefore I am.
-René Deskunk
11.12.2014
Electronic devices should fly when you put them in airplane mode.
11.11.2014
Plot twist: Skynyrd’s Free Bird, but it’s actually about a promotion at a pet shop.
11.5.2014
I could rake my leaves, or I could just wait for the wind to blow them into my neighbor’s yard. The choice is easy.
Background image by Tracy Ducasse, http://www.flickr.com/photos/59089068@N00/1218519
10.31.2014
The nice thing about Halloween is you can convince people that all the cobwebs around your porch are actually a decoration.
10.30.2014
I hate it when people take me for granite. I am not a statue.
10.29.2014
You ever see the Addams Family movie, when they play Wake the Dead? I think that’s what my kids are doing at 7 AM every Saturday.
