Why do people need electric can openers? Just do it the old fashioned way and use a walrus.
1.29.2014
Supervillain advice: When you do something evil, don’t say things like, “Nothing can stop it now!” Your plan will be stopped every time.
1.24.2014
All the best business meetings end with someone saying, “So let it be written, so let it be done.”
1.23.2014
Maybe the eye in The Lord of the Rings was just a signal light and the tower was for air traffic control.
1.22.2014
What’s good for the goose is good for the gander. Except hormone pills. You have to be careful with hormone pills.
1.21.2014
Clams would probably have a lot more friends if they weren’t so shellfish all the time.
1.17.2014
At what point are you too old to be calling Burger King Booger King?
1.16.2014
The amazing thing about Scrooge McDuck is not his phenomenal riches but his ability to dive into solid gold coins without being hurt.
1.15.2014
Being honest doesn’t mean you have to let everyone know you have cauliflower in your pocket.
1.14.2014
I always laugh when people say, “Another day, another dollar,” because I make like five times as much as them.
