Apparently people now think sloths are cute and make good pets. So I guess there’s hope for my little brother after all.
Funny thoughts on wildlife
1.16.2013
Tigers wouldn’t be so endangered if we just gave them some weapons. I mean seriously, who would mess with a tiger with a grenade launcher?
11.9.2012
How to save the orangutans:
1) Teach them to play hockey.
2) Make millions off hockey league. 3) Buy lots of duct tape. Duct tape fixes anything.
8.14.2012
Is anyone else disappointed that shark week is exactly like every other week? Somehow I expected more, I don’t know… sharks.
7.23.2012
Bears are just as scared of you as you are of them, except they have twice your mass, razor-sharp claws and jaws that can crush steel.
4.25.2012
Never shake hands with a zebra. It’s not that they’re mean or diseased, it’s just if they have hands they’re probably evil mutant zebras.
1.19.2012
My niece thinks octopuses don’t wear pants because they have too many legs. ‘Course not. It’s because they’d have to open their fly to eat.
10.10.2011
Wolves get a bad rap from fairy tales. Real wolves would never attack anthropomorphic pigs.
7.14.2011
You would buy a mansion if you won the lottery. I would buy a herd of buffalo, shave them, and let them loose downtown. To each his own.
4.12.2010
Why is the emperor penguin so formal? If I were emperor, I’d be like, “T-shirt and jeans for me, but the rest of you have to wear tuxedos.”