Never trust a skinny cook. Thin people are murderous and will probably try to poison you.
Funny thoughts on weight
11.21.2013
I love Cheetos, but Chester Cheetah is fake. No one who eats that many of those things is that skinny and fast.
9.13.2013
Unless you’re over 400 lbs, I don’t think you should be allowed to say you’re a huge fan of anything.
10.9.2012
I love birthdays. Every year when I blow out my candles I just wish to be a year younger and ten pounds lighter.
11.30.2011
On a scale of 1-10, I think most people would be a 10. I mean, I don’t know anyone who weighs less than 10. Maybe Steven Tyler.
7.21.2011
An ant can lift up to 50 times its own weight, or, for comparison, at least 5 runway models.
1.20.2011
Pregnant pause: The silence that follows when a woman who is not expecting is asked about her pregnancy.
1.13.2011
The universe is constantly expanding. Who are my waistline and I to argue?
8.12.2010
One of the funniest things in the world is a big dog dragging a scrawny person behind it.
6.2.2010
How much do I have to eat to become too big to fail?
