If I had a dime for every time I heard someone say, “If I had a dime…” I would throw it at them violently.
Funny thoughts on violence
1.3.2013
Freezing weather is wonderful because there are icicles everywhere! Very handy if you need to stab someone through the heart.
12.19.2012
When push comes to shove, sometimes it’s best to escalate straight to right hook instead.
11.7.2012
I’m sick of people pushing their moral standards on me. I don’t care what they say, I’m going to murder if I want to.
7.26.2012
For some reason dropping pianos on people is a lot funnier in cartoons than in real life.
6.26.2012
My new coworker doesn’t believe he needs a shiv in the office. No way this guy survives his first earnings report riot.
6.20.2012
Why are doctors always saying stuff like, “This won’t hurt a bit,” and, “That should’ve been numb,” and, “Please, please stop choking me?”
5.17.2012
If you frequently have trouble with choking, maybe you need to adjust your grip.
5.9.2012
How to improve golf: Air cannons replace drivers. Air pistols for putting. The Black Eyed Peas in place of holes. Golf balls explode.
2.23.2012
People who disagree with me should be shot. Let me know if you have a different opinion.