If we had never invented cars, I’ll bet we wouldn’t have so many out-of-work horse thieves right now. Think about the effects of your actions, people.
Funny thoughts on stealing
8.24.2012
If Ronald McDonald can make hamburgers out of thin air, why does the Hamburglar have to steal them? Just give the man a burger.
2.27.2012
Whenever I feel like calling the cops, I think, “What if someone called the cops on me?” Then I realize they probably did, and drive to Mexico.
12.16.2011
“Do not pass Go, do not collect $200.” Forget you. If I’m going to jail already, I might as well swipe $200 on my way there.
9.14.2011
Whenever I find money in my pocket unexpectedly, I always feel a little guilty for stealing all those people’s clothes from the gym.
2.23.2011
Note to self: Come up with plan to hide embezzled funds. Also, find a less-public place to write down notes to self.
10.6.2010
He scared the bejeebers out of me, and I was like, “Give me back my bejeebers!”
5.25.2010
Once I tried to rob an armored car only to discover that it was an ambulance. I made off with a defibrillator and 3 bags of saline solution.
8.11.2009
I like the fable of Little Red, Red Robin Hood, where he’s bob, bob, bobbin’ along, stealing from the rich to see his grandmother.
