I always say, “Morning,” instead of, “Good morning.” If it were a good morning, I would still be asleep in bed instead of talking to people.
12.28.2011
Being “tired at work” takes on a whole new tragic meaning when you work in a tire warehouse.
11.28.2011
Newlywed reaction to a small bed: Ooh, cozy! Later marriage reaction: I’m getting an elbow to the face in my sleep tonight!
7.13.2011
What you call “lazy,” I call “conservation of energy.” I’m saving the earth by taking this nap.
5.5.2010
There comes a point where caffeine can’t keep you awake anymore and you fall into an uneasy sleep. I call that “the time I rolled the car.”
7.29.2009
If you’re having trouble with sleeping during business meetings, just try some earplugs.
5.13.2009
When my alarm clock woke me up this morning, I thought, “I need an automated way to hit snooze so that thing doesn’t keep waking me up.”
