Some guy is rebuilding the Titanic and I definitely need a ticket. Can’t wait to re-enact that I’m King of the World! scene before I drown.
Funny thoughts on royalty
9.12.2012
I have high hopes that someday democracy will win out and the Burger King will step down to make way for a Burger President.
6.5.2012
You know those shoes with a roller wheel built into each heel? I’ll bet that’s what Prince Philip gave the Queen for their anniversary.
4.29.2011
In honor of today’s royal wedding, let’s all set aside politics and take time once again to make fun of those palace guards with the funny hats.
3.18.2011
Which poker hand is better – a royal flush, or a royal pain?
3.15.2011
Red blood: normal. Blue blood: royalty and/or oxygen deprived. Pink blood: Klingon.
2.16.2011
I don’t buy burgers from Creepy King, Pennywise or Icecreamconehead. I get mine from Pippi Longstocking, because square meat tastes better.
7.8.2010
I need to hire trumpeters to announce my entrance everywhere. At the gas station: “All rise for His Excellency Dan!”
4.12.2010
Why is the emperor penguin so formal? If I were emperor, I’d be like, “T-shirt and jeans for me, but the rest of you have to wear tuxedos.”
