If you are what you eat, that would explain why so many kids are total boogers.
Funny thoughts on parenting
8.6.2014
Why do my kids want bicycles? Why can’t they just ride around the neighborhood in a stolen Chrysler like I always did?
5.13.2014
Parenting tip: Have realistic expectations. Don’t try to teach your kids multi-variable calculus until they’re at least four years old.
1.9.2014
I love the pitter-patter of little feet, but only if it’s the sound of Oompa Loompas making chocolate for me.
5.14.2013
Kids’ music should have suggestive lyrics. Stuff like, “Why not go clean your room?” or, “You should be quiet so daddy can sleep.”
2.13.2013
People who say there aren’t enough hours in the day obviously don’t have kids. It’s nighttime that has too few hours.
2.1.2010
After I eat, I’d feel a lot better if you would hug me and pat my back until I burp.
