Dan of the Day » murder

How to Be Truly Happy

Dan of the Day — Thu, 05 Apr 2012 20:20:04 +0000

It’s a magical time in life when you finally realize that the only way to be truly happy is to kill everyone who makes you unhappy.

Respawning

Dan of the Day — Wed, 26 Oct 2011 19:15:10 +0000

If people respawned somewhere else a few seconds after they die, just like in video games, I would kill a lot more people in real life.

Getting Away with Murder

Dan of the Day — Tue, 12 Jul 2011 21:17:31 +0000

People talk about getting away with murder, but what about getting away with dropping thousands of corn dogs on the White House from a plane? Why isn’t that a phrase?

Psycho Shower Scene

Dan of the Day — Tue, 30 Nov 2010 19:18:13 +0000

Did you know that the blood in the shower scene from Psycho is actually chocolate syrup? That chick had chocolate blood!

Going Insane

Dan of the Day — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 18:24:09 +0000

If it weren’t for the whole straitjacket and padded room thing, I would strongly consider going insane. Those guys get away with murder.

Using Songs for Good

Dan of the Day — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 20:53:33 +0000

Charles Manson used Beatles songs for evil, but I use them for good. I gave a silver hammer to someone named Maxwell.

Like a Pirate

Dan of the Day — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 18:14:22 +0000

Talk Like a Pirate Day is September 19. I’m more concerned about Pillage, Plunder, Burn and Murder Like a Pirate Day.

What’s in a Hot Dog

Dan of the Day — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 03:44:36 +0000

They say if you knew what’s in a hot dog you’d never eat one again. I say if hot dogs knew we eat them they’d kill us all in the night.