I’m sick of people pushing their moral standards on me. I don’t care what they say, I’m going to murder if I want to.
Funny thoughts on murder
9.25.2012
I think I could be close friends with a houseplant. They don’t make me angry, and I’ve never felt guilty for accidentally killing one.
7.26.2012
For some reason dropping pianos on people is a lot funnier in cartoons than in real life.
4.5.2012
It’s a magical time in life when you finally realize that the only way to be truly happy is to kill everyone who makes you unhappy.
10.26.2011
If people respawned somewhere else a few seconds after they die, just like in video games, I would kill a lot more people in real life.
7.12.2011
People talk about getting away with murder, but what about getting away with dropping thousands of corn dogs on the White House from a plane? Why isn’t that a phrase?
11.30.2010
Did you know that the blood in the shower scene from Psycho is actually chocolate syrup? That chick had chocolate blood!
7.22.2010
If it weren’t for the whole straitjacket and padded room thing, I would strongly consider going insane. Those guys get away with murder.
11.19.2009
Charles Manson used Beatles songs for evil, but I use them for good. I gave a silver hammer to someone named Maxwell.
6.24.2009
Talk Like a Pirate Day is September 19. I’m more concerned about Pillage, Plunder, Burn and Murder Like a Pirate Day.