It’s time for a Forrest Gump re-release. People have stopped yelling, “Run, Forrest!” whenever someone is running.
10.20.2011
Life is like a box of chocolates. Someone ate all the good ones, and the rest have bites taken out of them.
10.12.2011
I think Willy Wonka’s Fizzy Lifting Drink taught us all a valuable lesson: belching is an important skill, and it can save your life.
7.27.2011
Dorothy went back to Kansas by clicking her heels and repeating, “There’s no place like home.” I guess she’d never been to Nebraska.
6.7.2011
There’s no business like show business. Of course, there’s also no business like sewage treatment.
5.18.2011
New details emerge on bin Laden raid: “When he died, his feet curled up on themselves.” Pentagon still unsure what to do with ruby slippers.
5.17.2011
The movie Bambi changed my life. When Bambi’s mother died, I vowed to myself that I would never ever EVER live in the forest. Too dangerous.
4.7.2011
I’m starting to think “if you build it they will come” does not apply to dragon lairs.
2.15.2011
After a failed career in pro fighting, the Karate Kid alternated jobs as a carwash attendant and fence painter.
