When I was a kid I thought bonanza was just something people said when they couldn’t pronounce banana.
Funny thoughts on kids
10.29.2014
You ever see the Addams Family movie, when they play Wake the Dead? I think that’s what my kids are doing at 7 AM every Saturday.
9.11.2014
Geese draw the letter V like a drunk kindergartner.
8.6.2014
Why do my kids want bicycles? Why can’t they just ride around the neighborhood in a stolen Chrysler like I always did?
6.26.2014
If I had a kid named Nicholas, I would call for him like the yodeler in those old Ricola commercials: “Neeeecholaaaaaas!”
6.5.2014
If your dog is smarter than my honor student, I hope you’re saving for college.
5.13.2014
Parenting tip: Have realistic expectations. Don’t try to teach your kids multi-variable calculus until they’re at least four years old.
5.2.2014
Do kids who live near volcanoes play the hot lava game?
3.13.2014
My kid told me if you eat a 50-year-old you become 50. I don’t know where she hears this stuff, or why she knows so much more than me.
1.9.2014
I love the pitter-patter of little feet, but only if it’s the sound of Oompa Loompas making chocolate for me.
