How to improve golf: Air cannons replace drivers. Air pistols for putting. The Black Eyed Peas in place of holes. Golf balls explode.
Funny thoughts on guns
3.1.2012
Listen, door-to-door salesguy: I’m just not interested in a home security system that doesn’t have guided machine guns.
2.23.2012
People who disagree with me should be shot. Let me know if you have a different opinion.
2.16.2012
Talk about road rage: running me off the road, brandishing a gun, yelling at me on a bullhorn. Lawbreaking really upsets some cops.
7.6.2011
Never bring a knife to a gunfight. Unless you have a gun that shoots knives instead of bullets. Then bring lots of knives.
6.30.2011
Yes, we had pet hospitals when I was a kid. They came in two versions: 20-gauge or 12-gauge.
5.23.2011
I keep these items in my car for legitimate reasons: baseball bat – playing ball, knife – dicing vegetables, axe – lumberjacking, gun – shooting people.
10.20.2010
If you’re ever surrounded by a pack of wild dogs, just pretend you have fleas so they’ll feel bad for you. Then shoot them with your gun.
8.4.2009
I think a sixshooter makes a good fashion statement: I’m carrying a gun.
6.22.2009
Am I the only one who has fantasized about kicking and shotgun-blasting through It’s A Small World?