“Do not pass Go, do not collect $200.” Forget you. If I’mI might as well swipe $200 on my way there.
Funny thoughts on getting arrested
Mattress labels are commonly misunderstood. They say,So if you take it off you have to eat it.
I hope Judgment Day goes better than
I got caught toilet papering my neighbor’s house and they pressed charges. Can you believe that? Maybe I shouldn’t have lit it on fire.
Once this guy asked me to stop, so I put him under citizen’s arrest. Turns out he was a cop. A jerk cop.
A phrase I often use is, “You can’t fire me, I quit!” Almost as often as, “You can’t arrest me, I turn myself in!”