If the enemy of my enemy is my friend, and Robert Pattinson is my enemy, then why don’t I have more friends?
Funny thoughts on friends
10.3.2013
The more time you spend around them, the more you come to realize that dead people are pretty boring.
3.18.2013
When your friends stop planning massive parties and start planning mass suicides it’s time to find a different cult.
3.15.2013
Growing up my best friend was a coat rack. I would have made new friends, but nobody was as good at holding coats as he was.
2.20.2013
Choose friends that would run through a brick wall for you. Then if you get sick of them, you know, brick wall.
2.11.2013
Anyone who thinks it’s bad having a friend as a third wheel has never dated a ventriloquist.
Pronouncing a Word Incorrectly
October 17th, 2012Dear Dan,
I was wondering if it is socially acceptable and how I would go about telling somebody that they are pronouncing a word incorrectly.
Grammar Girl
Greenwood Village
9.25.2012
I think I could be close friends with a houseplant. They don’t make me angry, and I’ve never felt guilty for accidentally killing one.
9.5.2012
The ridiculous thing about cats having Facebook accounts is that cats don’t even have friends in real life.
7.19.2012
My friend said I’m one of the most competitive people he knows. I said, “Who’s the most competitive, and what do I have to do to top them?”