Never shake hands with a zebra. It’s not that they’re mean or diseased, it’s just if they have hands they’re probably evil mutant zebras.
Funny thoughts on evil
4.4.2012
In my hometown there wasn’t a “wrong side of the tracks.” I guess the railroad forgot to follow the good/evil divide when laying track.
10.31.2011
Halloween is evil because it just teaches kids that extortion works.
10.21.2010
Lids on laundry hampers have two evil goals: 1) inconvenience those who put clothes in, and 2) keep the clothes from escaping.
9.14.2010
To keep people on their toes, every once in a while mutter under your breath, “No one will ever see it coming, mwah ha ha!”
1.29.2010
“Made from Scratch.” Isn’t that the devil? These are devil cookies!
11.19.2009
Charles Manson used Beatles songs for evil, but I use them for good. I gave a silver hammer to someone named Maxwell.
6.5.2009
I’ve started shaping my eyebrows like women do. Well, not exactly like women – my goal is to look more evil.