Dan of the Day » eating

Eating Leaves

Dan of the Day — Tue, 01 May 2012 19:27:01 +0000

I always tell my kids not to eat leaves. Then I call them in for dinner and serve them salad. Then I’m like, why won’t they eat this?

Pillar of Salt

Dan of the Day — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 21:12:29 +0000

So the Bible says Lot’s wife was turned into a pillar of salt. I’ve always wondered if afterwards everyone refilled their salt shakers.

Spiked Cookies

Dan of the Day — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 22:35:04 +0000

I never knew why my high school English teacher didn’t eat the cookies we made. It’s almost as if she knew they were laced with fish medicine that would make her urine green.

Octopus Pants

Dan of the Day — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 20:42:17 +0000

My niece thinks octopuses don’t wear pants because they have too many legs. ‘Course not. It’s because they’d have to open their fly to eat.

Cottage Cheese

Dan of the Day — Fri, 30 Dec 2011 21:04:18 +0000

Was it named cottage cheese because of where it used to be made or where it was eaten? I need to know whether to call it factory cheese now or salad bar cheese.

Rutabaga

Dan of the Day — Mon, 12 Sep 2011 19:49:23 +0000

I used to think a rutabaga was a kind of car. Turns out it’s not, it just tastes like one.

Fat Free

Dan of the Day — Fri, 05 Aug 2011 19:57:57 +0000

You know what else is fat free? Dirt. Tastes about the same, and I don’t eat it either.

Eating Periods

Dan of the Day — Fri, 08 Jul 2011 20:08:01 +0000

I go through periods of time where I want to eat and eat and eat until I can’t move. I call these periods “days.”

Badger Eats Your Face

Dan of the Day — Mon, 02 May 2011 22:10:11 +0000

If a badger ever eats your face, just ask him to give it back and he probably will, because badgers aren’t as mean as they seem.

Whether or Not I Could

Dan of the Day — Fri, 05 Nov 2010 18:14:19 +0000

I was so preoccupied with whether or not I could, I didn’t stop to think if I should. And yes, I can eat two big bags of Cheetos.