True fact: Your chances of getting in a car crash increase by 18,000X if you drive with your eyes closed.
Funny thoughts on driving
6.20.2013
Why is it okay to eat a watermelon, but not okay to roll one out onto the interstate? Either way, the melon dies.
2.21.2013
When you drive past someone who’s jogging, slow down and ask them if they need a ride somewhere.
11.16.2012
You know those toy cars that can keep driving even if they’re upside down? Doesn’t work with real cars.
9.7.2012
Anytime I’m driving to work and don’t feel like going, I look at all the people out jogging and think hey, at least I’m not one of them.
8.10.2012
Some people need air traffic control for the road. “Tower to bad motorist 1637CA, you are cleared to merge into traffic.”
5.29.2012
Do dogs stick their heads out of car windows because they like the wind, or because their owners are so stinky even a dog can’t stand it?
4.16.2012
When a cop asks you why you were driving so fast, tell them some idiot was chasing you. Don’t mention that they were the idiot.
3.14.2012
Cops should have better things to do than harass me for driving “too fast,” or “disturbing the peace,” or “melting City Hall with that death ray.” Go catch the real criminals.
3.12.2012
It’s amazing how often people are surprised when a traffic light changes. What did they think was going to happen?
