Here’s human empathy for you: Things die all over our windshields and we’re like, “Man, I just washed this!”
Funny thoughts on driving
8.20.2014
Never buy a brown vehicle. Brown cars are never fast, never cool, and never taste like chocolate.
6.6.2014
I think more commuters would be willing to ride a donkey to work if they knew how often people make fun of their Ford Focus.
5.29.2014
Good thing about carpooling: people to punch when you see a slug bug. Bad thing: not supposed to fart whenever you feel like it.
4.30.2014
The more dead little animals I see on the road the more I think we really need to get some kind of suicide hotline for these guys.
2.18.2014
The best thing in the world is love. The second best is using cruise control on a straight road and putting your hands and feet in the air.
2.6.2014
Instead of a CD player, what cars need now is a bigger slot that dispenses pancakes when you press the eject button.
11.13.2013
True fact: Your chances of getting in a car crash increase by 18,000X if you drive with your eyes closed.
6.20.2013
Why is it okay to eat a watermelon, but not okay to roll one out onto the interstate? Either way, the melon dies.
2.21.2013
When you drive past someone who’s jogging, slow down and ask them if they need a ride somewhere.
