8.5.2011

You know what else is fat free? Dirt. Tastes about the same, and I don’t eat it either.

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6.13.2011

Partially-hydrogenated oils are bad for you. Hydrogenated oils aren’t quite as bad. Androgenated oils? Well, it’s hard to tell.

1.13.2011

The universe is constantly expanding. Who are my waistline and I to argue?

7.6.2010

I got it from the salad bar, so yes, bacon with croutons counts as a salad.

4.22.2010

Next you’re going to tell me that chocolate-covered cheese sticks deep-fried in bacon grease are not a healthy snack. I hate this diet.

10.6.2009

I hope they never invent a pill that makes you smaller, because what if you accidentally overdose and someone steps on you?