Dan of the Day » babies

Baby Steps

Dan of the Day — Wed, 21 Dec 2011 23:22:51 +0000

“Take baby steps.” Oh, so stumble forward like a drunk and fall on my face? Thanks for the advice.

Dan of the Day — Wed, 21 Sep 2011 19:41:32 +0000

It’s a good thing baby oil isn’t made from real babies, because then people would think I was weird for drinking it.

Dan of the Day — Mon, 22 Aug 2011 20:44:50 +0000

Celebrities give their kids weird names: Moroccan, Apple, Pilot Inspektor, Kah-el. I prefer biblical names, like Maher-shalal-hash-baz.

Dan of the Day — Thu, 26 Aug 2010 16:48:19 +0000

I’m thinking of switching to cloth diapers but I can’t find any my size.

Dan of the Day — Thu, 13 May 2010 16:23:02 +0000

My daughter wanted to name the baby Candy Bar, but I told her no way, because I wanted to name him Twix.

Dan of the Day — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 14:42:45 +0000

I know two kinds of people that can be genuinely surprised by their own farts: little babies, and Joan Rivers.

Dan of the Day — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 21:58:42 +0000

After I eat, I’d feel a lot better if you would hug me and pat my back until I burp.

Dan of the Day — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 18:10:36 +0000

Sometimes for fun I put the ram in the ram-a-lam-a-ding-dong. It makes babies fall in love.