Never agree to arm wrestle a giant, because man, do they get angry when you win.
Funny thoughts on anger
3.19.2013
“Don’t get mad, get weavin’.” ‑motto for the Anger Management through Basket Weaving Association.
1.23.2013
If I had a dime for every time I heard someone say, “If I had a dime…” I would throw it at them violently.
12.13.2012
Lady at the truck stop was yelling mercilessly at her kid as they got out of their big rig. That was one mean mother trucker.
9.25.2012
I think I could be close friends with a houseplant. They don’t make me angry, and I’ve never felt guilty for accidentally killing one.
4.13.2012
Shouldn’t anger rhyme with danger?
2.16.2012
Talk about road rage: running me off the road, brandishing a gun, yelling at me on a bullhorn. Lawbreaking really upsets some cops.
10.19.2011
It’s not only Bruce Banner – anyone can turn into the Hulk if you just make them call a voice-activated phone menu.
8.9.2011
If anyone ever got mad at me for throwing a dummy at their car, I’d just turn to it and yell, “I told you to stay out of the road, dummy!”
9.8.2010
If someone ever gets mad at you for eating their pie, just say, “Can’t we let pie-gones be pie-gones?” Then ask for some cookies.