Maybe we’re alone, or maybe the aliens are peaceful, but wouldn’t it be safest to randomly fire giant lasers into space, just in case?
7.29.2011
When I was a kid, I wanted to live on clouds. Now that I’m not so naive, I know that would quadruple my odds of being abducted by aliens.
6.7.2010
I thought I had some kind of bizarre alien growth on the back of my neck, but it turns out it was just a cyst. Lame.
3.22.2010
I’ve come to the conclusion that Las Vegas is actually one enormous spaceship.
1.21.2010
If you want to put your kids’ minds at ease on the subject, tell them death is just an alien abduction you never come back from.
8.27.2009
Instead of, “Take me to your leader,” I think the first thing aliens would say is, “Can I use your bathroom?”
Klaatu offers a gift in exchange for restroom privileges. There aren't a lot of pit stops in space.
7.28.2009
Obscure Medical Fact #31: Alien parasites’ preferred exit point is the belly button.
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