Dan of the Day » violence

Lawn Revenge

Dan of the Day — Mon, 02 Aug 2010 19:08:04 +0000

I have no doubt that one day every blade of lawn grass in the world will take revenge for having its head chopped off every week.

Wearing Purple

Dan of the Day — Thu, 17 Jun 2010 17:00:11 +0000

If you don’t like someone, wait until they are wearing purple, then stomp on them and say, “I thought you were a grape!”

Self-Deprecation

Dan of the Day — Thu, 18 Mar 2010 16:16:40 +0000

If I had a choice between self-deprecation and self-decapitation, I would choose the ladder. I like ladders.

If People Had Antlers

Dan of the Day — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 14:47:46 +0000

I wish people had antlers, because I’m sure they would make bar fights a lot more entertaining.

Rule of Thumb

Dan of the Day — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 15:56:06 +0000

A good rule of thumb is to not poke people in the eye with it.

Snowmen Golfing

Dan of the Day — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 14:48:36 +0000

There’s an orphaned whiteboard where I work. It’s in a rather public area where lots of people pass, and there’s a guy who regularly draws a seasonal picture on it for everyone’s viewing pleasure. His latest was some snowmen golfing. I couldn’t resist adding my own touches to it:

It only lasted a few days before someone erased it all. Some people have no taste.

Headlight Out

Dan of the Day — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 18:56:51 +0000

Today a guy in traffic yelled to me that my headlight was out. So I did what any normal person would do and threw a tire iron at his car.