How much do I have to eat to become too big to fail?
Posts Tagged ‘eating’
4.22.2010
Next you’re going to tell me that chocolate-covered cheese sticks deep-fried in bacon grease are not a healthy snack. I hate this diet.
4.2.2010
I was eating pizza while driving 80 mph, which was not as dangerous as you might think. It was cold pizza, so there was no risk of scalding.
2.16.2010
Mattress labels are commonly misunderstood. They say, “Not to be removed EXCEPT BY CONSUMER.” So if you take it off you have to eat it.
2.1.2010
After I eat, I’d feel a lot better if you would hug me and pat my back until I burp.
10.9.2009
I’ll be honest – talk about the food chain makes me really hungry.
I'm at the end of the food chain! (Chains don't have a top.)
8.14.2009
I keep accidentally eating my pets. Maybe I should get something less appetizing, like a cat instead of a Twinkie.
7.1.2009
To avoid getting lettuce in your teeth when eating in public, just swallow it whole. Also works for corn on the cob.
5.11.2009
Dolphins and sharks are natural enemies. Dolphins are like, “Quit eating us,” and sharks are like, “Stop smiling all the time, you morons.”
4.28.2009
They say if you knew what’s in a hot dog you’d never eat one again. I say if hot dogs knew we eat them they’d kill us all in the night.
