Jargon: an industry’s way of making you think that what they do is really complicated.
Here’s a partial list of some corporate jargon:
- SBU – strategic business underwear
- actionable – movies like the Terminator, Batman, the Matrix, etc.
- conflict resolution – resolving issues through armed force
- best practices – the kind that end with a shout of, “Goooo team!” followed by milk and cookies
- CEO – chief executioner officer
- competitive advantage – performance-enhancing substances
- milestones – large stones carried for a mile as a business-related punishment
- MNC – multi-nautilus company
- downsize – what to do when you have no idea how to fix things
- rightsize – the same as downsize (!)
- monetization – selling off office furniture, appliances, etc.
Know some jargon of your own?
My favorite one lately is “Architected.”
I think it means that they built a verb-like word from a noun, to fill the place of an already existing word such as “designed,” in order to suggest a slight nuance that doesn’t exist outside the minds of marketing gurus….
Re-engineer – fix
Team Building – Choosing sides.
Change – More of the same, only different
Drive for Improvement – Cruising on down to Home Depot or Lowes in your pickup truck.
Strategic Initiative – Planning to take some initiative at some point, if you ever get up the motivation to get off the couch and get past the refrigerator.
I ran the numbers – I rolled a couple of dice to come up with these figures.
I will get right on that – You will get right on this
It’s not so much jargon as it is a phrase, but my least favorite is “moving forward.”
It’s so presumptuous. As if you really have a choice…
OOO – I’m a ghost!