7.13.2009

Jargon: an industry’s way of making you think that what they do is really complicated.

Here’s a partial list of some corporate jargon:

  • SBU – strategic business underwear
  • actionable – movies like the Terminator, Batman, the Matrix, etc.
  • conflict resolution – resolving issues through armed force
  • best practices – the kind that end with a shout of, “Goooo team!” followed by milk and cookies
  • CEO – chief executioner officer
  • competitive advantage – performance-enhancing substances
  • milestones – large stones carried for a mile as a business-related punishment
  • MNC – multi-nautilus company
  • downsize – what to do when you have no idea how to fix things
  • rightsize – the same as downsize (!)
  • monetization – selling off office furniture, appliances, etc.

Know some jargon of your own?

More funny random thoughts: business jargon

Jargon: an industry’s way of making you think that what they do is really complicated.
  • Flimtonius

    My favorite one lately is “Architected.”
    I think it means that they built a verb-like word from a noun, to fill the place of an already existing word such as “designed,” in order to suggest a slight nuance that doesn’t exist outside the minds of marketing gurus….

  • Dan

    Re-engineer – fix

  • Flimtonius

    Team Building – Choosing sides.

  • Flimtonius

    Change – More of the same, only different

  • Flimtonius

    Drive for Improvement – Cruising on down to Home Depot or Lowes in your pickup truck.

    Strategic Initiative – Planning to take some initiative at some point, if you ever get up the motivation to get off the couch and get past the refrigerator.

    I ran the numbers – I rolled a couple of dice to come up with these figures.

  • Choob

    I will get right on that – You will get right on this

  • Purvis

    It’s not so much jargon as it is a phrase, but my least favorite is “moving forward.”

    It’s so presumptuous. As if you really have a choice…

  • Dan

    OOO – I’m a ghost!