How Chuck Norris Inspired Me to Spam the World with Random Funny Thoughts

June 22nd, 2011

This is Part 3 in a five-part series on the origin of Dan of the Day.
Part 1: X-Men Origins: Dan of the Day
Part 2: Email: The Silent Productivity Killer
Part 3: How Chuck Norris Inspired Me to Spam the World with Random Funny Thoughts
Part 4: Why You Should Listen to the Voices in Your Head
Part 5: Two New Things You Can’t Live Without

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

You’ve heard all the jokes about Chuck’s awesomeness, and so far you’ve managed to avoid his wrath. But did you know he can also lay claim to inspiring Dan of the Day?

Conan O’Brien is generally credited with starting all the Chuck Norris “facts”, which followed similar facts based on Vin Diesel, Mr. T, and Bob Sagget. (And Chuck Norris is generally credited with inspiring Conan to grow a beard.) These facts started showing up online around 2005, and a wide audience soon learned that Chuck Norris once pulled out a single hair from his beard and skewered three men through the heart with it. (Conan’s beard hairs have no such powers.)

Mr. T

In 2007, 400 of these facts were compiled into a book and published without Chuck’s approval. The author was roundhouse kicked so hard that Chuck’s foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean. Then Chuck sued the guy for good measure. Surprisingly, some copies of the book remain, and one was owned by my friend and former coworker Purvis (a.k.a. “The Purv”).

Purvis

This book so inspired Purvis that he became a Chuckvangelist, spreading the good word of Chuck to all he came in contact with. He found chemists, and told them that Chuck Norris had destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck only recognizes the element of surprise. He told the environmentalists that industrial logging isn’t the cause of deforestation; Chuck Norris just needs toothpicks. He told the mathematicians Chuck Norris can divide by zero. But soon Purvis realized he couldn’t reach everyone personally, so he began to search for more effective means of preaching.

Now what is the single most effective marketing tool known to man? That’s right: unsolicited email. Purvis started daily sending facts about Chuck Norris to everyone in his address book, calling it Chuck of the Day. The thought was that people would be more likely to actually read the contents of a short email every day than a very long email all at once. It worked, and in a very short time many people came to know that the truth will set you free, unless Chuck Norris has you, in which case, forget it buddy!

Among the recipients of Purvis’s emails was someone who would go on to change the world in their own way: Lady Gaga. (Or so I’ve heard.) But Chuck of the Day also influenced someone with more tame costumes and a less-Roman nose: me. I came to realize that I too could have a great impact on others if I just followed Chuck’s example. Which is why I grew a beard.

Tomorrow’s edition: Why You Should Listen to the Voices in Your Head

Part 1: X-Men Origins: Dan of the Day
Part 2: Email: The Silent Productivity Killer
Part 3: How Chuck Norris Inspired Me to Spam the World with Random Funny Thoughts
Part 4: Why You Should Listen to the Voices in Your Head
Part 5: Two New Things You Can’t Live Without

  • Treadmill Traci

    Chuck Norris can read brail :)