Sometimes the only way to get a captive audience is a mass kidnapping.
More thoughts on kidnapping
More funny random thoughts: entertainment kidnapping
You can achieve success by only kidnapping a tiny mass. You then accelerate it to nearly the speed of light and the mass approaches infinity. That boosts the overall effectiveness without having to sequester too much mass.
Your solution is remarkably elegant – as simple as the theory of relativity, as easy as accelerating a mass to nearly the speed of light. Sheer genius.
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