Even with pumped-up kicks, it’s pretty hard to run faster than a bullet.
Dan of the Day Archive - 8/2014
8.28.2014
Superman wears his underwear outside his pants and he’s a “hero”, but I do and I’m “weird” and “creepy” and “never invited over again”.
8.27.2014
My dream vacation would be to go to sleep, and go to weird places, and stuff doesn’t make sense, and then I’d wake up.
8.26.2014
New idea: the ice cup challenge, in which people drink a glass of ice water and then send me 100 bucks.
8.22.2014
Never trust a skinny cook. Thin people are murderous and will probably try to poison you.
8.21.2014
Define success in your own terms, because you may never have a greater accomplishment than eating that entire can of Cheez Whiz at once.
8.20.2014
Never buy a brown vehicle. Brown cars are never fast, never cool, and never taste like chocolate.
8.15.2014
If aliens ever come to our planet, I hope they don’t speak Portuguese. I can’t understand even a little Portuguese.
8.14.2014
Prison would be better if it wasn’t full of mean people and the food was really good and you could come and go whenever you wanted.
8.13.2014
Invisibility shields are real. How else do you explain my entire sheet cake disappearing?
