Why do women say they need hair conditioning, so you try to wash their hair and they say, “No, AIR conditioning. Who even are you?”
Dan of the Day Archive - 5/2014
5.29.2014
Good thing about carpooling: people to punch when you see a slug bug. Bad thing: not supposed to fart whenever you feel like it.
5.28.2014
Thinking back on my teenage years, I can’t believe I didn’t get fired as a waiter for blowing out birthday candles with a fire extinguisher.
5.21.2014
Your wish is my command. So I command you to wish for me to have an endless supply of chocolate.
5.16.2014
People talk about drinking out of a firehose like it’s a bad thing, but it probably would get those little popcorn shells out of your mouth.
5.14.2014
Sometimes when people say, “Damn!” I think they’re saying my name.
5.13.2014
Parenting tip: Have realistic expectations. Don’t try to teach your kids multi-variable calculus until they’re at least four years old.
5.9.2014
I would probably answer a lot more phone calls if my ringtone wasn’t such an awesome song.
5.8.2014
I always stay at the Holiday Inn Express because the regular Holiday Inn is just too slow.
5.7.2014
All the best bands had misspelled names: Led Zeppelin. The Beatles. ‘N Sync.
