When lovers die in the movies it’s romantic, but when you kill them in real life it’s just murder.
Dan of the Day Archive - 3/2014
3.26.2014
Owners make cats wear a bell so they can’t sneak up and kill things. So if a cow needs a bell, here’s some advice: stay away from that cow.
3.25.2014
I think I might develop more meaningful friendships if I stopped pretending to only speak Swedish or at least learned some actual Swedish and moved to Sweden.
3.24.2014
Instead of “to be indecisive,” the verb “to waffle” should mean “to be awesome like waffles are.”
3.19.2014
Never play cards with cheatgrass. As you may have guessed from the name, it is a plant and doesn’t know how.
3.18.2014
My wife won’t let me do a parody of Frozen.
3.13.2014
My kid told me if you eat a 50-year-old you become 50. I don’t know where she hears this stuff, or why she knows so much more than me.
3.12.2014
If I had been more honest about my laziness I would have named this Dan of the Week.
3.11.2014
Instead of setting our clocks forward an hour, can we all just agree to set them back an hour for the next 23 days?
3.3.2014
I can’t believe I completely forgot to care about the Academy Awards.
