I’m more scared of my dentist knowing I didn’t floss enough than I am of actually getting cavities.
Dan of the Day Archive - 6/2013
6.26.2013
Their dog barks from 2-2:30 AM and the neighbors don’t care, but I bark back for 30 seconds and suddenly they’re annoyed.
6.25.2013
Sometimes I think there aren’t enough robots in the world, but then I remember, oh, yeah, Justin Bieber fans.
6.24.2013
We should stop talking about the fact that cockroaches will survive a nuclear holocaust. It might give them ideas.
6.20.2013
Why is it okay to eat a watermelon, but not okay to roll one out onto the interstate? Either way, the melon dies.
6.19.2013
Instead of flying, a magic carpet should eat all the crumbs that fall on it so you never have to vacuum.
6.18.2013
Maybe we shouldn’t shoot so many rockets into outer space, because what if space starts shooting back?
6.17.2013
When things are serious, and you want to yell, “It’s time to lay down the hammer!” be sure you don’t accidentally shout, “Hammer time!”
6.14.2013
Why aren’t there more comic books about supervillains who use toaster strudels to kill people?
6.13.2013
Every time a door closes, another opens, but only if you live in a magical house with enchanted doors.
