Just because I’m unemployed doesn’t mean I have time to do pointless things like “get out of bed,” and “shave,” and “take a shower.”
Dan of the Day Archive - 3/2013
3.22.2013
How can the United States have any international credibility if we continue to harbor country music artists?
3.21.2013
Didn’t your mother teach you, “If you can’t say something intelligent, don’t say anything at all”?
3.20.2013
What is the point of wearing cargo pants if you aren’t even going to fill your pockets with waffles?
3.19.2013
“Don’t get mad, get weavin’.” ‑motto for the Anger Management through Basket Weaving Association.
3.18.2013
When your friends stop planning massive parties and start planning mass suicides it’s time to find a different cult.
3.15.2013
Growing up my best friend was a coat rack. I would have made new friends, but nobody was as good at holding coats as he was.
3.14.2013
Yes, I have a phone holster. It’s called a pocket.
3.13.2013
Never try to be someone you’re not, because then people are like, “Hey! You’re not my husband!” and then they call the police.
3.12.2013
Live and learn. Or die and learn, if you prefer.
