Dan of the Day Archive - 11/2011

On a scale of 1-10, I think most people would be a 10. I mean, I don’t know anyone who weighs less than 10. Maybe Steven Tyler.

If my name was Joe, I’d go by Sloppy Joe, even though I’m not sloppy. If people asked me why, I’d say, “It’s better than Choppy Joe!” and cut them with my knife.

English has silent letters, like silent e or k, but what it really needs is a silent i so people can’t talk about themselves so much.

You ever go to a garage sale and find out they aren’t even selling their garage? Man, I hate that kind of garage sale.