How many spoons have to suffer before they stop making garbage disposal switches look like light switches?
9.28.2010
No matter how many times I cut my fingernails, they keep growing back. Anyone else have this problem?
9.24.2010
Contrary to popular belief, gravy boats are not for shipping large loads of gravy. They’re for floating on top of gravy.
9.23.2010
There comes a time in every man’s life when he has to say, “I don’t know.” Usually this is when he’s asked his wife’s shoe size.
9.22.2010
I don’t say, “Bless you,” when people sneeze, but if they forget to cover their mouth I give a polite, “Curse you.”
9.21.2010
You wouldn’t have to worry about letting the cat out of the bag if you hadn’t put it in there in the first place.
9.20.2010
If I were a tree, I wouldn’t be a mighty oak or a maple. I would be a money tree, just to prove my parents wrong.
9.17.2010
From now on, I’m pronouncing thermometer “therm-o-meter.” And when I’m feeling really sassy, I’ll give the temperature in Kelvin.
