I’m jealouse of people who are good at spelling.
5.25.2010
Once I tried to rob an armored car only to discover that it was an ambulance. I made off with a defibrillator and 3 bags of saline solution.
5.21.2010
This Father’s Day, remember what Luke told his father in Cloud City on Bespin.
5.20.2010
I’m going to tell you this as gently as I can – I hate you, your cat, and your ugly freaking face.
5.19.2010
If you fly past me on the open freeway, and two minutes later I fly past you, it’s because I’m using cruise control, and you’re driving like an idiot.
5.17.2010
That trip to Spain might have gone better if I’d known more Spanish. I’d hoped I could just get by with, “¡Ãndale, Ãndale! ¡Arriba, Arriba!”
5.14.2010
How many times do I have to tell you “pork-chop breath” is a term of endearment?
5.13.2010
My daughter wanted to name the baby Candy Bar, but I told her no way, because I wanted to name him Twix.
