If someone you know has a serious illness, be sensitive: don’t make jokes. And yes, Can’t Stop Playing GoldenEye is a real disease.
Dan of the Day Archive - 4/2010 - page 2
4.15.2010
A funny joke would be to replace your toilet paper with a lint roller. When guests complain, say, “What did you do in my washing machine?!”
4.14.2010
“You’re probably wondering why I asked you all to come here today.” Nope. I’m wondering how long until you shut up.
4.13.2010
The problem with Hell is that some say it’s really hot and some say it’s really cold, so do you take a coat or not?
4.12.2010
Why is the emperor penguin so formal? If I were emperor, I’d be like, “T-shirt and jeans for me, but the rest of you have to wear tuxedos.”
4.9.2010
Well, you should trust me. Why would I say I wasn’t a convicted felon if I was?
4.8.2010
I find the sound of the ocean relaxing. The seashells duct taped to my ears? Not so much.
Serenity now!
4.7.2010
I’m changing my middle name to Comma, just because it will really confuse people when I say my name is Dan Comma Florence.
4.6.2010
No, I said stick-figure salary. We’ll be paying you in black-and-white-oversimplified-cartoon cash.
4.5.2010
Want to waste your time selling overpriced junk so a guy way up the chain can get rich? No, it’s not a pyramid scheme. Yes, it is selling drugs. Reply soon.