January, 2010

1.15.2010

Baseball bat use #9: remote control.

1.14.2010

Sometimes I raise the white flag, but then surprise! it’s actually cream-colored. Ha, ha, suckers!

1.13.2010

I can’t even tell you how disappointed I was to learn that the International House of Pancakes is not, in fact, made of pancakes.

1.12.2010

If you ever swallow iron filings, you can move your stomach around with a magnet. Then you should go to the hospital. I should know.

1.11.2010

To be removed from this mailing list, go jump off a tall building.

1.8.2010

When I grow up I want to be a blacksmith; play with fire, hit stuff, make swords, and drop anvils on people.

1.7.2010

Baseball bat use #23: gavel.

1.6.2010

If you were learning another language, wouldn’t you want to be taught by a talking pineapple and singing skeletons?

1.4.2010

They say misery loves company, so I do my best to send people his way.