Wisdom gleaned from the warning on a cotton swab box:
“Do not enter ear canal.” I don’t think I could fit even if I tried.
Dan of the Day Archive - 2009 - page 2
12.3.2009
Less known than the common sparrow is the uncommon sparrow, which sports a mohawk and shouts “platypus!” at random.
12.2.2009
If I had my druthers, people would stop talking about their druthers.
12.1.2009
I like chili con carne. For those of you who don’t understand Spanish, that means, “chili with carne.”
11.26.2009
There’s a chemical in turkey that makes me want to watch college football.
11.25.2009
Are the wazoo and the yin yang the same thing? Both always have things coming out of them.
11.24.2009
I want to DJ high school dances just so I can play Stairway to Heaven and laugh at the kids who try to slow dance. Then I’ll play Free Bird.
11.23.2009
Once this guy asked me to stop shouting at people, so I put him under citizen’s arrest. Turns out he was a cop. A jerk cop.
11.20.2009
The Apollo moon landing was an obvious hoax. C’mon, everyone knows the moon is made of cheese.
11.19.2009
Charles Manson used Beatles songs for evil, but I use them for good. I gave a silver hammer to someone named Maxwell.