If somebody ever kills me, I hope I’m reincarnated as Santa Claus. Then I’ll put them on my naughty list.
11.9.2009
A phrase I often use is, “You can’t fire me, I quit!” Almost as often as, “You can’t arrest me, I turn myself in!”
11.6.2009
There are A types of people in the world: Those who understand hex, those who don’t, those who pretend to, those who think it’s a dirty word, those who say it’s witchcraft, those who think it’s part of DNA, those who think it’s where the devil lives, those who can perform the Bat-Bogey Hex, those who like Tex-Mex, and those who vex T-Rex by working on their pecs and flex while eating Chex and getting in wrecks because they’re rubber necks.
11.5.2009
When I hear a catchy jingle, I go buy whatever they tell me to, no questions asked. Hopefully they never advertise dog poop.
11.4.2009
If I were ever faced with a hypothetical situation, I would refuse to predict my actions.
11.3.2009
Why are there so many songs about rainbows, and so few about time machines? I mean, which would you rather have?
11.2.2009
That guy in traffic was really mad. What was it he called me? Something about fish poop. Oh, that was it: a bass turd.
