If modernis just a creation of the candy companies, those guys need to make up more holidays.
Dan of the Day Archive - 10/2009
When Carl called the running back’s move a twirl, we knew he was a secret figure skating junkie. That, and he kept calling him Sasha Cohen.
If a zombie wants to eat your brains, just order pizza instead. When it arrives, feed the pizza guy to the zombie and RUN!
As some women age, they start wearingfor self preservation. Yes, that smell is formaldehyde.
When I was a kid, we would always play house. That was pretty boring, since. Tag was way better. Freeze tag.
The smell of success isn’t sweet; it’s more like. Wait, maybe that’s just me.
I kill flies with extreme prejudice. I don’t think anydeserves to live.
The first Dan of the Day was inflicted on the world April 22, 2009. In celebration of keeping this thing going for six whole months, here are a few of my personal favorites from those early days.
I want an army of motorcycles, mechanics and ants. Then I’ll take over the world.
If you’re having a really bad day, just remember: The world isn’t out to get you. The problem is you and your stupid ugly face.
You know what’s more neglected than third-world countries? Second-world countries. You never hear about those guys.
They say if you knew what’s in a hot dog you’d never eat one again. I say if hot dogs knew we eat them they’d kill us all in the night.
When I was a kid we had a Halloween candle with a red pumpkin on it. Who knew pumpkins were red in China? Also, why did mom ever buy that?
Obscure Medical Fact #17: Dogs are just a different kind of people.