If modern Halloween is just a creation of the candy companies, those guys need to make up more holidays.
October, 2009
10.30.2009
When Carl called the running back’s move a twirl, we knew he was a secret figure skating junkie. That, and he kept calling him Sasha Cohen.
10.29.2009
If a zombie wants to eat your brains, just order pizza instead. When it arrives, feed the pizza guy to the zombie and RUN!
10.28.2009
As some women age, they start wearing stinky perfume for self preservation. Yes, that smell is formaldehyde.
Orig. image from http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Perfume_Shalimar.jpg
10.27.2009
When I was a kid, we would always play house. That was pretty boring, since houses can’t move or talk. Tag was way better. Freeze tag.
Orig. image from http://www.flickr.com/photos/diegocupolo/3676975721
10.26.2009
The smell of success isn’t sweet; it’s more like stinky B.O., dirt, and stale cheese. Wait, maybe that’s just me.
10.23.2009
I kill flies with extreme prejudice. I don’t think any bigoted bug deserves to live.
10.22.2009
Sometimes I try to get the creative juices flowing just because I’m thirsty, and hey, free juice!
6 Month Anniversary!
October 22nd, 2009The first Dan of the Day was inflicted on the world April 22, 2009. In celebration of keeping this thing going for six whole months, here are a few of my personal favorites from those early days.
4.22.2009
I want an army of motorcycles, mechanics and ants. Then I’ll take over the world.
4.23.2009
If you’re having a really bad day, just remember: The world isn’t out to get you. The problem is you and your stupid ugly face.
4.24.2009
You know what’s more neglected than third-world countries? Second-world countries. You never hear about those guys.
4.28.2009
They say if you knew what’s in a hot dog you’d never eat one again. I say if hot dogs knew we eat them they’d kill us all in the night.
4.29.2009
When I was a kid we had a Halloween candle with a red pumpkin on it. Who knew pumpkins were red in China? Also, why did mom ever buy that?
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10.21.2009
Obscure Medical Fact #17: Dogs are just a different kind of people.
My wife witnessed this scene at the grocery store. Not sure how he reaches the pedals.
