I set a home run record in tee ball, despite all the heckling. “Get off the field, jerk!” “This is a kid’s league!” etc.
Dan of the Day Archive - 8/2009
8.28.2009
Something about a woman in roller skates and short shorts makes me think, “She’s going to have some amazing scabs.”
8.27.2009
Instead of, “Take me to your leader,” I think the first thing aliens would say is, “Can I use your bathroom?”
Klaatu offers a gift in exchange for restroom privileges. There aren't a lot of pit stops in space.
8.26.2009
An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, but what I’d really like is some postvention.
8.25.2009
I had to mix no-pulp orange juice with extra-pulp to get regular OJ. I didn’t even know no-pulp oranges existed.
8.24.2009
Mankind’s next evolutionary step: less digestive gas.
8.21.2009
“Ignore it and it will go away.” Yeah, right. Now I have TWENTY cop cars behind me and they’re laying road spikes.
8.19.2009
I’m inattentive to verbal requests due to past hearing damage. That, and I don’t want to do what you’re asking me to do.
8.18.2009
Ronald McDonald has never produced hamburgers out of thin air for me. So no, I don’t believe in magic. Not big-shoe magic, anyway.
Is it just me, or is Ronald putting on some weight? Looks like he's been keeping all the hamburgers to himself.
8.17.2009
When trying to get something out of reach, I have tried both the Force and “Go-Go-Gadget Arms!” but neither seem to work.
