I’m still trying to decide whether bacon’s powers come from heaven or hell.
May, 2009
5.13.2009
When my alarm clock woke me up this morning, I thought, “I need an automated way to hit snooze so that thing doesn’t keep waking me up.”
5.12.2009
I’d like to see the woman with Barbie’s body build. I’d especially like to see her walk, because I’m pretty sure she would tip over.
5.11.2009
Dolphins and sharks are natural enemies. Dolphins are like, “Quit eating us,” and sharks are like, “Stop smiling all the time, you morons.”
5.8.2009
I saw an ad the other day for laser funny bone removal. It’s about time, medical science!
5.7.2009
You know the difference between a stream and a creek? One rhymes with heek.
5.6.2009
The other day I took an impromptu road trip. Well, really I just drove to 7 Eleven, but that doesn’t sound as cool.
