Dan of the Day

YOLO

Dan of the Day — Fri, 18 May 2012 20:47:36 +0000

All these people saying, “You only live once!” are going to feel pretty stupid someday if it turns out reincarnation is real.

Dan of the Day — Thu, 17 May 2012 19:49:20 +0000

If you frequently have trouble with choking, maybe you need to adjust your grip.

Dan of the Day — Wed, 16 May 2012 19:15:21 +0000

I heard an ad today that asked, “Are you tired of taking your hormone medication?” No I am not.

Dan of the Day — Tue, 15 May 2012 19:52:54 +0000

Somebody should write an opera about annoying people who sing really loud all the time instead of talking.

Dan of the Day — Mon, 14 May 2012 19:13:29 +0000

Rodeo clowns: because bulls hate clowns as much as people do.

Dan of the Day — Fri, 11 May 2012 19:03:35 +0000

A more interesting story would be The Boy Who Cried Wolves; they come out of his tear ducts and attack his enemies.

Dan of the Day — Thu, 10 May 2012 20:49:46 +0000

Ventriloquism schools would be more popular if they weren’t full of dummies and mumblers.

Dan of the Day — Wed, 09 May 2012 19:37:51 +0000

How to improve golf: Air cannons replace drivers. Air pistols for putting. The Black Eyed Peas in place of holes. Golf balls explode.

Dan of the Day — Tue, 08 May 2012 19:46:15 +0000

Smile and the world smiles with you. Unless you’re in New York, in which case it’s smile and the world gives you the bird.

Dan of the Day — Mon, 07 May 2012 19:21:27 +0000

If everything confuses the hell out of you, do you eventually become some kind of angel?