FAQ (or at least AQ)

Q.
Wha?
A.
This is a common response. Dan of the Day is a sort-of-daily sort-of-funny sort-of-thought from Dan’s wee little mind.
Q.
Where did you get all these quotes?
A.
Like I said, my wee little mind. These are Dan quotes. Dan originals. I make this crap up.
Q.
I wonder if you will answer something that is not a question.
A.
That’s a veiled question. This is a veiled answer.
Q.
The Ska Boss? Who’s the Ska Boss?
A.
Me, you silly. That is right – I am the Ska Boss.
Q.
How come you have two middle names?
A.
That’s a common misconception. I do not have two middle names. The phrase “of the” is actually an acronym for my six middle names: Orenthal Falkor Space Thelonious Hellfire Eggplant. On a related note, “Day” is not my last name- it’s my surname.
Q.
Where are you from and what is your background? Do you work in a particular industry? Do you have any off springs? -acetomato
A.
Whoa, what’s with all the questions? The form says, “Ask a Question,” not, “Ask Four Questions.” But I’m flattered by your interest, so I’ll answer each one individually.
Q.
Where are you from?
A.
Is this a “birds and the bees” question? Because if it is, you might want to talk to your parents about it instead.
Q.
What is your background?
A.
It’s a picture from National Geographic of some islands in Palau. But you’re probably not asking about my desktop background. I’m assuming you mean my website background, which is a collage of black and white photos of my ugly mug.
Q.
Do you work in a particular industry?
A.
I make it a point to not work in any industry. That would entail work, which I am morally opposed to.
Q.
Do you have any off springs?
A.
Yeah I do, but not as often as I have off winters. I find autumns are the best for me.
Q.
Well, Mr. Of The Day, it appears that your responses have tapered off after your cube-mate bailed. Does that mean that everyone is pretending to work now?
A.
It means my former cube-mate should be commenting during the day instead of when everyone is eating dinner. If you give people too long to think about a response, eventually they decide it would be prudent not to add to the chatter from the peanut gallery. And we can’t have that.
Also, I stole your old monitor, so now I have dual LCDs. Management is threatening to give my extra one to someone cooler.
Editor’s note: Management did give my extra LCD to someone cooler. So I quit.
Q.
What is the capital of Alaska?
A.
Juneau, but as recently as 1912 it was Sitka, and before that it was New Archangel.
Q.
How do you feel about world peace? -Koush
A.
I’m opposed, and I’ll tell you why. If there was world peace, there would be no war. If there were no war, there would be no guns, no tanks, no bombers, no missiles, no military. And if there were no military, who would keep the Europeans from spreading their discothèques all over the world? We have to ban that boogie sound. Say no to disco; say no to world peace!
Q.
Does this count as a question? -Koush
A.
Yes. How about this one: “Cucumber?”
Q.
Let’s find out. Cucumber? -Koush
A.
42.
Q.
What makes a duck when spinning? -Al
A.
The higher you go, the up.
Q.
Why aren’t there more questions?
A.
Because you haven’t asked any yet. Or you haven’t asked enough questions. Anyway, you should ask a question. Just remember, there are no stupid questions if nobody asks them.

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