If you work , you never want to be on soda duty because you’re always grasping for straws.
This is reality TV, right? And Scotland is voting itself off the island?
Things would’ve been a lot different in the 90s if MC Hammer had been an Irish guy named McHammer.
If you are your own worst enemy, then the enemy of your enemy is your enemy.
Poker is not a serious sport. They don’t even let you anymore.
Geese draw the letter V like a drunk kindergartner.
Why are some women so ungrateful when you give them a nice bouquet of fresh, live, organic snakes?
Forget the Terminator. Sometimes you need to tell people, “Go away if you want to live.”
If you want to drive a perfectionist tell them you’ll be sure to cross all the i’s and dot all the t’s.
When Gandalf the Grey became Gandalf the White, that would have been a really good time for a laundry detergent commercial.