2.8.2010

I never really thought about it before, but the thing that made Al really weird was that electrical cord coming out of the back of his neck.

2.5.2010

Note to self: bottle rockets are NOT an indoor toy. Not at work anyway.

2.4.2010

Oh, I wasn’t ignoring you. I thought those were rhetorical questions.

2.3.2010

I write “For Sale – $600″ on the windows of random cars and include my senator’s home phone number.

2.2.2010

Have you ever committed suicide because your favorite sports team lost? Yeah, me neither.

2.1.2010

After I eat, I’d feel a lot better if you would hug me and pat my back until I burp.

1.29.2010

“Made from Scratch.” Isn’t that the devil? These are devil cookies!

1.28.2010

When I see a James Earl Jones documentary, I can’t help but expect imperial stormtroopers to come kick the crap out of Lincoln or whoever.

1.27.2010

I hope Judgment Day goes better than my last court date.

1.26.2010

The eggplant is actually a fruit. Yup. Suckiest fruit ever.