We have a bribery problem around here. No one seems to think I’m important enough to bribe.
To really annoy your Spanish teacher, ask, in all seriousness, “When is Cinco de Mayo this year?”
“To the Victor go the spoils,” I say as I mail my rotten leftovers to some dude named Victor.
“Dispense with the pleasantries,” she says. Okay. So now I’m a pleasantry dispenser.
4% of all statitsics contain a typo.
Good thing it says it’s a dessert cake. With a name like “Cookies & Cream” I was starting to think it was one of those other kinds of cakes.
The only people who say, “It’s all about the Benjamins,” these days are guys named Benjamin.
When life gives you lemons, just be glad it wasn’t death giving them to you, because seriously, who wants to eat death lemons?
To every ring there is a dolphin, and a time for every porpoise underwater. -The Sea World Bible
When you cook for someone and they ask what’s in it, just laugh. Laugh and laugh and laugh.